Erap Jokes Compilation From The Past

Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?

ERAP: Carabao, ma'am!
Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?
ERAP: How about another Carabao?

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Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light
(as driver switches on the parking light)
Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)
Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.
Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)
Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw.......

Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: "Mr. President, what can
you say about the economy?"
Erap: "I don't know, kasi nasa first class ako."

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Erap while translating a speech from Tagalog to English.
"We must strive"
Translation: Kailangan nating magsikap.
"We must help others"
Translation: Kailangan nating magtulungan.
"In union there is strenght"
Translation: SA SIBUYAS ME TIGAS !!!

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Sa isang party. 

Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap,: I haven't met your wife. Where is she?"
Napadaan si First Lady Loi. 

Sabi ni Erap: "Oh, my wife just passed away."

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ERAP ordering coffee at Starbucks
Waiter: DECAF?
ERAP: OO, alangan naman dePLATE

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While in a drug store.
Erap: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Pharmacist: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Erap: It does not matter, cuz he can't read yet!!

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The Estrada's ' were shown into the dentist's office, where
Erap made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or
any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the
dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Erap turned to his wife Loi. "Show him your tooth, Honey."

On board an Air Force plane that Erap had commandeered to
pursue a group of kidnappers on another plane, the pilot t
ells Erap: "Sir, enemy plane comming in at 5 o'clock."
Erap replies: "Good. We have time to plan our moves.
It's only 4:25 by my watch."

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Eraps walks into a casino where he see's a coke vending machine.
He puts in some money and a coke falls out. He smiles and keeps
putting in more and more money, and getting heaps of cokes. He does
this for about an hour or so until an aide comes up to him and says
"Havent you had enough, Sir?" and he says back, "No! Cant you see I'm winning!"

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Sa panliligaw ni Erap, mahilig siyang sumulat ng coded love
messages tulad ng:
ITALY - I truly adore and love you
SASAYA - Stay as Sweet as you are
Para lalong bumilib and kanyang nililigawan , sinikap niyang
gumawa ng "love letter" na gamit and alphabet:
ABC - Always be careful
DEF - Don't Ever forget
GHI - Go Home Immediately
JKLM - Just Keep Loving Me
NOPQRSTUVW - No One Perfectly Quite Romantic Should
Treat U Very Well
Napa-whew at pinagpawisan si Erap. Tatlong titik na lang and
natitira...XYZ.
Pinag-isipan ito nang husto ni Erap. Makalipas ang oras,
napangiti siya at pinalakpakan ang kanyang sarili bago
sinulat ang:

XYZ - Xee You Zoon!!

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Erap: Miss, do you have a ballpen?
Clerk: Sorry, sir we don’t have any ballpens
Erap (angry): Why did you name your store “Penshoppe“?

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Exec Sec Zamora: Sir, puwede bang palitan 'tong laptop ko?
Erap: Bakit?
Zamora: Masyadong mabigat, eh!
Erap: Ba't di ka mag-delete ng files para gumaan?