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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

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Thursday, March 8, 2012

Erap Jokes 3 "Fencing"

On his arrival in San Francisco. ERAP notices a long queue in th immigration area. He glances and sees a shorter queue that read... "OLYMPIC ATHLETES ONLY". "Aba, doon na ako pipila...hehe" He instructs his aides to look for sport props.

The first aide, carrying a hubcap, goes through. His excuse... DISCUS thrower.

ERAP: "Aba ayos yon ah!"

The second aide also goes through with a mop pole. His excuse... JAVELIN thrower. ERAP: "Aba...mahusay din." "Teka muna, presidente ako ng Pilipins. Dapat hindi basta basta lang ang sports ko!! Dapat cultured ng konti." He goes around and finds a bundle of barbed wire.
"Ayos ito...tamang tama." He goes directly to the immigration area.

Immigration Officer: "Sorry sir, this queue is only for athletes...What's your excuse?"

ERAP: Showing him the barbed wire with a wide grin..."FENCING!"

Erap Jokes 2 "Modern Invention"

Seated between a Japanese and German businessmen, ERAP listens to the two. The German, talking in his native language, had on a headgear. The Japanese asked the German "Kore wa des ka?...what is that?"

GERMAN: "Hiel...dezz iz nothing. It iz zee latest technology ien Germany... the headsvone! I am talking to mine headquarters in zee Berlin."

The Japanese, not to be outdone, also started talking in his native language. The German asked him, "Vhat is dhat?"

JAPANESE: "Ano ne..kore wa is latest Japanes technology in Japan! Have mic implant in tongue... and speaker in ear. I speak to office in Tokyo...neh."

ERAP, irked by the two other nationalities started to do a slow and looong FART. ....TRRRRRRR, TRRRR..PURURUUUUUUUT!" The two businessmen closing their noses say...."&^^%$#@! WHAT'S THAT SOUND???" ERAP says proudly, "Ah that, that's nothing. I WAS ONLY SENDING A FAX!!

Erap Jokes 1 "The More Intelligent Candidate"

This incident supposedly happened before the "ERAP PRESIDENCY". The most intelligent the "presidentiable"(Pinoy term for preisential candidates), Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to a televised debate.

To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos. Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon? " Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to Miriam.

Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look. She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net.
Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail.

After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills. Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home. Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....

Heart Touching Story

I was walking around in a Big Bazar store making shopping, when I saw a Cashier talking to a boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old..

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''Uncle, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy the doll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much . I wanted that to give it to her for her BIRTHDAY.

I have to give the doll to my Mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God.. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister...''

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told Daddy to tell Mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want Mommy to take my picture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my Mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but Daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again your cash, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that Mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my Mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My Mommy loves white roses.'

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away... I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever...

The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

The value of a man or woman resides in what he or she gives, not in what they are capable of receiving.