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Saturday, July 28, 2007

The Best Parents In The World

We Love You So Much
Thank you for all the LOVE and CARE
I Miss you both
I Love both of You So Much

God Bless

Monday, July 23, 2007

How God Made The Philippines

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven , God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, but cold and harsh while pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, Northern southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant."

"I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts."

"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a group of Islands and said, "What are those?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the Philippines , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and forests. The people from the Philippines are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving and they will be known throughout the world as carriers of peace and love."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God replied wisely,

"Wait until you see the idiots I designated as their leaders."

The Best Answers in Pageant Questions

Host : Saan ang dream vacation mo?
Girl Contestant : Amangpulo.
Host : What was the very first gift that you gave to your girlfriend?
Male Contestant : Uhmm...taptoy.
Host : What taptoy?
Male Contestant : Taptoy na teddy bird.
Host : What's your ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Uhm, uhm, I am not sure....
Host : Hindi, kunwari ikaw, more or less.
Girl : Uhmm... more. (Crowd booing... ) Sige, Sige. Less, less....
Host : If you had a foreigner friend, where will you bring him to showcase the beauty of the Philippines?
Girl Contestant : Bocaue.
Host : Bocaue. Why Bocaue? There are so many places in the Philippines? Why Bocaue?
Girl : Because it's a magnificent place.
Host : Which part of Bocaue?
Girl : The Bocaue Rice Terraces. (Banawe Kaya Yon!!)
The contestant, presenting herself, talks into the mic and says,
"Hi! I'm Cristine Reyes from Bagiuo...,"
and then she turns around, walks a little, goes back then yells at the top of her lungs!
Then shouts,
(From Little Miss Philippines)
Host : Anong gusto mo pag-laki mo?
Girl : Maging lalaki po!
Host : Who's your favorite author?
Contestant : Danielle Steele
Host : Why Danielle Steele?
Contestant : Because, because...Danielle Steele, I like best.
Host : How would you like me to address you?
Contestant : My address is Project 8, Quezon City.
Host : What is your best feature?
Contestant : My graduation feature.
Host : So tell us, why did join this contest?
Contestant : Me, join this contest, why did I. Thank you!
Host : What do you want to be after you graduate?
Contestant : I want to be a successful Medicine.
Host : Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube. Pero tinatawag itong boobtube. Ano ito?
Contestant : BRA!
Host : What is you favorite motto?
Contestant : If others can't why, why can't I!
Host : What would you like to say to foreigners?
Contestant : Please come back.
(From gay beauty contest)
Host : What is the one thing that symbolizes happiness for you?
Gay contestant : (Stops, thinks and then smiles.) EGGPLANT PO!
Host : What is your typical day?
Contestant : I think Saturday po!
(From gay contest)
Host : Ano ang advantage mo sa ibang contestant?
Gay Contestant : I think and believe na bilang isang bading......ano nga po ulit yung question?
Host : Which part of your body is your best asset?
Contestant : (Believe it or not she answered) Si Melanie Marquez po!
Host : What is your favorite motto?
Contestant : (After a long pause) I don't have a motto eh. (So the crowd starts helping her out. The crowd starts saying "Time is gold! Time is gold!")
Contestant : I have na po. Chinese gold!
Host : If you were to describe the color blue to a blind person, how would you do it?"
Contestant : That's a very good question. Keep it up. (Then the girl turns and walks away.)
Host : So, you're vegetarian, what is your favorite vegetable?
Contestant : I like potatoes, tomatoes, beans and what's that? KALABASH?
Host : What is your motto?
Contestant : Actor! (Everyone starts laughing.) Aay, actress pala.
Host : Who is your favorite fictional character?
Girl : JOSE RIZAL! (Crowd starts laughing.)
Host : Who is your favorite hero then?
Girl : Hulk Hogan.
Host : If you were to become a superhero, what would your power be?
Girl Contestant : Uhmm... a bumble bee!
Host : What is your edge over the other contestants?
Girl Contestant : My edge.... 23 years old.
Host : What, in your opinion, is the ideal age for marriage?
Girl : Between 24 and 25!
Host : How do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Girl : I'll be 28.
Host : Describe your love one in three words.
Girl : Kahit nga po 1 word, kaya ko.
Host : OK, sige!
Girl : In one word, MY LIFE!
Host : If you were given any special power, what would it be?
Girl : Power of Attorney!
Host : So you like reading, who's your favorite author?
Girl : Uhmm, Shakespeare.
Host : What works of Shakespeare?
Girl : Hindi ko po alam eh.
Host : But he's your favorite.
Girl : Eh kasi patay na sya eh.
Host : What is the biggest problem facing the youth today?
Girl : Drugs.
Host : Why?
Girl : Mahal eh!
Host : What is the essence of being gay?
Contestant : I'm proud to be gay because what is naked is essential to the eye!
Host : What makes you blush?
Girl : Blush on!
Host : Hey, I heard you almost didn't make it, how did you get here? Did you ride or did you walk?
Gay Contestant : Of course, did you ride. What do you think of me, did you walk?

Keep Smiling

Life Is Great

God Bless You All

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Transformer Part 2

Coming Soon...

The Most Awaited Movie Of The Year...


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Most Complicated Haircut

Damn it! I went to a barber shop last Sunday night (July 15, 2007) to have a haircut. OK, the first problem I have encountered of course: "How to explain to the barber the style that I wanted!". So I started explaining to her with matching action. I looked like a Jerk that night in front of other people. Shit! After a few minutes of explaining, good thing she gave me a magazine and she pointed to me the pages (means she wanted me to choose from the picture) of guys with different style of haircut. And I did so chose the simplest one. Then she started cutting my hair. In the process of trimming my hair, I thought that somehow it looked good.

After cutting my hair. I paid 120 baht (Bloody expensive) and looked at the mirror. Wow! Simple cut but I look smart. So I went home. When I arrived home, I decided to check my new haircut. I looked at the mirror and OH MY GOD!!!!! I found out that there are some white lines at the right part of my head. I did not saw any white lines in the picture that I chose that night. I felt like I wanted to go back to the shop and BURN IT. I became uncomfortable right away thinking that I will be going to the office the following morning with that white lines in my head. So I looked for a Shaver just to cut all my hair. And I found one.

The following morning, everyone was shocked when they saw me with my new haircut. I looked like a BLOOD THIRSTY CRIMINAL. Others said I looked like a MONK.

Lesson: Don't go to barber shop anymore. haha

Brain Stuff

Brain Stuff . . . From Cambridge University.

O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on!!

Psas Ti ON !

A Sad Story

This is an email from my friend Dara. Thanks Dar!!! hahaha shit...yucky...haha

This is a sample of a very bad relationship. The husband wrote this letter for his wife:
Dear Luningning,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for It. These last two weeks have been hell. Mr. Lopez called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband,
Papi Willie

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Toronto together this summer! Have a great life!

After reading the letter, the wife replied:
Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like Michael Jackson!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago...

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.... and your silk boxers were $49.99! After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out, so when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for sixty-nine million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two first class tickets to Manila, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Rich, Freeeee & Available..... Luningning .

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but MARIA, my SISTER, was born MARIO. I hope you don't have a problem with your hemorrhoids.

My Sister: MARIA

Monday, July 16, 2007

Babies For Sale!!!

Ok everyone..... This is a limited offer only. So grab one now while it's still hot...hahaha

Just leave a comment if you have made your decision... ("',)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Best Police Cars In The World

Germany (Max. Speed: 320 km/hour) and Spain (Max. Speed: 280 km/hour)

Japan (Max. Speed: 280 km/hour) and England (Do I have to tell the max speed?)


Now for the ULTIMATE POLICE CAR in the WORLD.....

Saturday, July 7, 2007

UP College Girl

This is a story from University of the Philippines (Diliman) about a young college girl who passed away last month.

Her name was Summera. She was hit by a dumper truck. She had a boy friend named Arif. Both of them were true lovers. They always hung on the phone. You could never see her without her cell phone. In fact she also changed her phone from Smart to Globe, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost and get good network coverage. She spent half of
the day talking with Arif. Summera's family knew about their relationship. Arif was very close with Summera's family. (Just imagine their love). Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please bury me with my hand phone" she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people couldn't carry her coffin, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't, everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a Feng Shui Master. He took a stick and started speaking to
himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here". Then her friends told the Master about her intentions to bury her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and places her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked.

Summera's parents did not inform Arif that Summera had passed away. After 2 weeks Arif called Summera,s mom. Arif:"I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Dont tell Summera that I'm coming home today, I wanna surprise her." Her mother replied..... "You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important." after he came, they told him the truth about Summera.

Arif thought that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "don't try to fool me - tell Summera to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense". Then they showed him her grave. He said... "It's not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me." Arif was shaking. Suddenly, his phone rang. "See this is from Summera, see this..." he showed the phone to Summera,s family. All of them told him to answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode. All of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It was the actual voice of Summera & there was no way others could use her SIM card since it was nailed inside the coffin. They were so shocked and asked for the Feng Shuie Master's help again. The Master brought his co-masters to solve this matter. He & his co-masters worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing...

Globe has the best coverage. Where ever you go, their network follows!!!

Mag GLOBE na kayo!!!!!!
hahaha Thanks kristi for this post.....(",)

Thursday, July 5, 2007

See Where Flight Attendants Rest

Let us start with this Airlines...
hhhmmm... What do you think?

Now, how about this one?
What can you say about this Airline?

Monday, July 2, 2007

How Sinful Are You?

I took this test from my friend's blog. Thanks friendship.

WOW... 54% chance I'll go to heaven is quite enough I think... haha Envy = 80%...waaaaaa very bad... OK, how about trying this test? Go on.... click it... Don't worry, after you click it you will have everything. I will give you everything. Just click it...haha

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 80%

Gluttony: 60%

Sloth: 60%

Greed: 40%

Lust: 40%

Pride: 40%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 46%

You will die at the hands of a jealous lover. How ironic.