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Monday, September 8, 2008

Joke Time (Part 5)

TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow.'
***
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables!
***
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
***
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
***
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
***
TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
***
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
***
TEACHER: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.
***
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?'
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
***
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
***
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
***
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

How The Beijing Olympic Logo Was Created





Best Wishes


Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?'

Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Walmart Employee: 'What you want on the cake?'

Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.

Joke Time (Part 4)

Misis : Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!

***
TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi siya mababastos?
SAGOT: 'Uhm, excuse me, miss...Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?' <>

***
Aanhin ko ang napakalaking bahay, mamahaling sasakyan, milyun-milyong kayamanan, at masasarap na pagkain kung ang kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga iyun?!

***
Nanay: Ano 'tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?
Anak : Hindi po 'yan zero, 'Nay. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang 'yan, 'Nay, promise!

***
Mga sikat na salawikain:
Better late than pregnant.
Kapag may tiyaga, good luck!
Aanhin pa ang damo...kabayo ba ako?
Do unto others, then, run! Run! Run!
Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay lumaki sa ibang bansa.
Ang lalaking nagigipit, sa bakla kumakapit.

***
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala...
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya!

***
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang ...
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!

***
Pedro: Pare balita ko bading ka daw. totoo ba?!
Ambo: Pare, Mga chismax lang 'yun galing sa mga chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenilyn nila.... chura nila! hmpf!

***
Boy: Di na tuloy ang kasal natin
Girl: Bakit?!
Boy: Kuya mo kasi eh!
Girl: Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!
Boy: Yun nga eh...gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!


***
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

***
Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto ang mga BEST partners :
Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!

***
American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:
American: Use my name 4 times in a sentence!
Pedro: Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimming Paul.

***
Quote for the Day...
Ang Buhay ay parang bato... it is HARD !!
***
Love is a hidden fire, a pleasant sore, a soothing pain, an agreeable torment, a sweet wound, in short - a gentle death! Ang lalim! Grabe...! Dati Love is blind lang, eh!
***
Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko!
Misis: Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa buhay, lahat ng problema mo problema ko... ano problema natin?
Mister: Nabuntis natin si Inday, tayo ang ama!

***
Kapag may kaaway ka, tandaan mo...dito lang ako... dito lang talaga ako...tapos dyan ka lang, wag kang pupunta dito! Baka madamay ako..


***
Prospective Employer to Applicant: ' So why did you leave your previous job?'
Applicant: ' The company relocated and they did not tell me where!'

***
Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta yung may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Ha, eh di, ..... Baraha.