Girl: Ma’am, do 40 years old girls get pregnant?
Girl: How about 20?
Teacher: Yes dear!
Girl: A 5 years old?
(A little boy whispered to the girl)
Boy: See? I told you not to worry.
All the people you hate are going to die eventually…
You just have to wait patiently…
-----o-----Hurt a true heart as many times as you want.
Still, it won’t stop loving you.
But try to cheat a true heart.
It won’t hurt or hate you back.
It will only not dare to love you again…
-----o-----Bruno: Ano na sa papel mo pre?
Pedro: Listahan sang mga hadlok sakon ah.
Bruno: Palantaw beh… Oh, ngaa ari di ngalan ko aw?
Pedro: Ngaa aw? Mabato ka sakon?
Bruno: Oo eh!!!
Pedro: Ahh… Ti erison ko nalang eh… Wala problema ah…
-----o-----By the time you realize…
What your parents said was right…
You already have kids…
Who begins to think that you are wrong…
-----o-----Time is the most playful element because…
It lengthens the minutes when you are waiting.
And rushes the hours when you enjoy the moments.
-----o-----Lalaki: Kuhaon ko ang bituon kag ihatag sa imo.
Babae: Hipos ka da gani ah. Hindi mo gani makuha pung-it mo, bituon pa!
Lalaki: Ay sorry gid. Wala ko kabalo na pung-it gle gusto mo.
It’s like a one armed man…
Hanging at the edge of a cliff…
By his only arm with his balls…
He scratched it…
-----o-----The biggest blessing in our lives,
Is simply the presence of
People who care so much,
Whose love is for real,
And see us much beyond ourselves.
-----o-----Sometimes, we dream of having someone we really like.
But life is not like that.
We don’t get everything we want.
But in the end,
We end up having someone better that we dream.
If love becomes painful…
Its time to let go and save yourself.
But, if love is true…
Pain is never a reason to let go.
-----o-----You are one of those whom I never asked from God.
But still he gave you to me.
I asked him why and He said…
“Coz I know this person can feel your life,”
“In ways others can’t.”
-----o-----Junior: Tay, nasugatan po ako.
Tatay: Talagang matapang anak ko.Hindi marunong umiyak!
Junior: Syempre nmn po itay!
Sabi nga po ni Fergie…
“Big girls don’t cry… Lalalala”
-----o-----Sa isang tindahan:
Bata: May load kayo ate?
Bata: Patext nmn…
-----o-----A lawyer driving on a hi-way
Notices a crowd in an intersection
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action
He shouted: “I am the son of the victim!!!”
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There, he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people.
A PIG bumped by a trailer truck.
-----o-----When I was in Grade 1,
My teacher told me to write down
What I wanted to be when I grow up.
I wrote down, “Happy”.
She told me that I did not understand the assignment.
I answered, “You did not understand life!”
Nosebleed yung teacher ko …Grade 1 palang ako noon…
-----o-----If there is one lesson we, young adults, ought to learn
It should be Maturity…
Maturity to understand that life is unfair
And, maturity not to make things worse.
Maturity to realize that there are things that we can’t change
And, maturity to accept them gracefully.
Maturity in loving
And, maturity to be never bitter if things don’t work out.
-----o-----Teacher: Pedro! 1+3?
Pedro: 4, Ma’am.
Teacher: Very good! Ikaw Juan, 3+1?
Juan: Mau na!!! kung suli na gani, ako dayun tuksuon.
Pabor-pabor ba!!! Abseni nalang ko da ah!
-----o-----Minsan, nagtatalo ang mga saging kung sino yung pinakamasarap.
Sabi ni Latundan: “Small but sweet ako!”
Sabi naman ni Lakatan: “Big and sweeter ako no!”
Nalungkot si Saba kasi hindi sya sweet, kailangan pa niya mailuto at iba pa.
Kaya nag walk out sya at nakasalubong nya si brown sugar.
Ikinuwento nya ang nangyari.
Tumawa si brown sugar at sinabi kay Saba:
“It doesn’t matter how sweet you are”
“What matters most is how you make other special because of you”
“And you made me special”…
The Legend of Banana Q… Very inspiring no?
-----o-----Kung pinagsasalitaan ka ng masakit ng friend mo.
Huwag kang magalit.
Sabi nga ni Donkey kay Shrek:
“Only true friends will be Cruelly Honest with you”
-----o-----You won’t fully enjoy a swing,
Unless you raise your feet from the ground.
You won’t fully enjoy a boat ride,
Unless you remove the rope from the riverbank.
Your dog won’t fully enjoy its dog life,
Unless you remove the chain from its neck.
Never limit yourself when it comes to happiness.
Learn to let go and move on.
Remember that being happy is a choice.
Don’t let anything hold you back from being yourself.
-----o-----Pulube sa Bakery:
Pulube: Pwede maka henge ng cake?
Tindera: Ambisyuso! Eto pandesal!!!
Pulube: Heller!!! Birthday ko kaya!
-----o-----If people have to leave us in one way or another.
It would be best if they will do it 100% lie-free
And just slap the truth in our faces.
We all do deserve something better than just
Lame excuses because Lies in all sort
Make us appear stupid!
-----o-----When you have done something wrong
Admit it and be sorry.
No one has ever been choked to death
From swallowing his pride.
-----o-----Anak: Ma, may white hair ka na pala?
Mama: Oo anak and you are the reason.
Every stupidity ng anak puputi ang every hair ng Ina.
Anak: Ahhhh…Kaya pala si lola, puti na lahat buhok nya…
-----o-----A good friend will never let there friends do stupid things…
-----o-----Waiting for someone may not be a good idea after all…
Stealing them might be a better solution…
One day, a blind boy was sitting and waiting for someone to drop a coin so he can buy food. He had a blackboard beside him written, “I am Blind, please feel pity.” Suddenly, a man approached him and dropped a coin and erased what was written on the board. The boy realized it but ignored it. Later, he heard a lot of coins were being dropped in his can. After an hour, the man came back and asked how he was doing. The boy replied, “My can is full of coins. What did you write on my board?” The man read it and it said, “Today is a beautiful day. Too bad I can’t see it.”
-----o-----Kinuha ng Kanong Pari si Erap as an Interpreter.
Pari: The Lord was crucified between two robbers.
Erap: Si Hesus ipinako sa gitna ng dalawang goma.
Pari: We need to sacrifice.
Erap: Kailangan natin ng dalawang sakong bigas.
Pari: If we do not repent.
Erap: Kapag hindi natin pipinturahan uli.
Pari: The wrath of God will come upon you.
Erap: Ang daga ng Diyos ay pupunta sayo.
Erap: Balon… balon…